Silver Lining

12 Aug

Okay. So it’s been a while… I’m sorry about disappearing. Ever since my food poisoning I just haven’t been the same. I’m not talking about the new improved me; the one who got up every morning and ran. NOPE!! I’m talking about my energy level and how it dropped like a rocket ever since I got sick and it’s even worse than before I increased my dosage. I miss the person who had at least SOME MOTIVATION to get up and stay awake ALL DAY LONG!! My energy level is drained and I’m more sensitive to the pain I’m experiencing. I haven’t really done the right amount of exercise. Okay, not even a little bit of exercise.

Usually after my infusion of 5 vials every four weeks I go straight home and crash out. The last treatment I came home, crashed, and then woke up at 8pm. Starving at the time, I realized that my husband had vacuumed the entire house and I slept through the entire thing. CRAP.

That weekend I barely moved. I didn’t want to do anything, see anyone, or talk to anyone. I found myself watching Harry Potter in sequence…backwards. Wow, he grew up fast, didn’t he? And what is up with Emma Watson and her new hairstyle…

Sorry, I’m back…of course, when it came to Monday, I felt like crap. Not physically, but mentally. I didn’t want to be at work hearing my co-workers have a fantastic weekend and they did all these great outdoor activities, while I was a hermit in my basement watching Harry Potter like some psycho. Damn.

So, of course Tuesday I had a mental breakdown – one of those “I hate my life and everything in it.” I just had to cry and let everything out. What was I thinking? Because Wednesday, it looked like I got hit with an allergy attack. Like someone shoved a cat in my face. Nope, that’s just me doing my normal, stupid releasing of emotions. However, little did I realize that it took me twice as long to get over that fit. The increase in the drug is doing strange things to my body that I haven’t had to deal with in over 8 years.

As time has progressed from my ‘allergy attack’ I have become more aware of my body, emotions, and my pain. Is it better to shut up and put up with the pain if it beats feeling emotionally and mentally drained? I decided that instead of sitting on the couch like a stump that I was going to go do something about it; maybe not running, but something. Well, I’m good at crafting, so let’s see if I can exceed my expectations with it. AND BOY DID I DO SO!!

My mom surprised me with an early Christmas present the week of my body revelation. It was a book about ribbon work and how to make ribbon flowers. PERFECT! I immediately jumped in and then was confused. However, the author of the book was having a class in about a week. HELLO FATE!! She didn’t have any seats available…however she made an exception for ME!!! I absolutely loved it and turned my one pink rose into a headpiece and broach.

Of course, I decided within that same week I was going to make 25 individual thank you notes for a co-workers baby shower, ended up missing the shower because of a doctor’s appointment, but I did get a load of compliments on them and asked if I sell my cards. LIGHT BULB WENT OFF! Maybe I should start selling my cute crafts online and earn some money (hopefully!) So, I’m in the middle of working on 50 thank you notes for my friend’s wedding, a dress for myself, 4 headbands and 2 black roses for another friend’s wedding. Usually when I craft, I’m stressed, so does this mean I’m just overwhelmed or just passionate? I think maybe a little bit of both.

So here I am, taking a break from a marvelous revelation and the process of my body. I have a doctor’s appointment with my new ‘real’ rheumatologist tomorrow. I plan to prepare for the best appointment EVER. I’ll explain after my appointment…

More details about my new ‘design’ company and what it will all entail, along with PICTURES. Until then, always keep in mind that there is a silver lining to every cloud; it’s just up to you to find it!


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